Funny Stuff

Observations on parenthood courtesy of my friend Dana. I can now vouch at how true it is! Scroll down to see a funny video about cats.

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN 

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB /GYN confirms your pregnancy.   

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. 

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. 

_______________________________

Preparing for the Birth: 

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. 

2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that las time, breathing didn't do a thing. 

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month. 

__________________________ 

The Layette: 

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. 

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and 

Discard only the ones with the darkest stains. 

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they? 

_______________________________

Worries: 

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby 

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten 

To wake your firstborn. 

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to 

Rewind the mechanical swing. 

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Pacifier: 

1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until 

You can go home and wash and boil it. 

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it 

Off with some juice from the baby's bottle. 

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in. 

____________________________________ 

Diapering: 

1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, 

Whether they need it or not. 

2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed. 

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to 

Complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees. 

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Activities 

1st baby:  You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, 

Baby Zoo, Baby Movies and Baby Story Hour. 

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. 

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaners. 

_____________________________ _____ 

Going Out: 

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, 

You call home five times. 

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to 

Leave a number where you can be reached. 

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. 

__________________________________ 

At Home:  

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. 

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. 

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children 

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Swallowing Coins (a favorite): 

1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays 

2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass. 

3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!